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Dear Alcohol,

First and foremost, let me tell you that I’m a huge fan of yours. My friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer with the game, and you’re even around in the holidays hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we’re stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. Yet lately I’ve been wondering about your intentions.

While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences, briefed below for your review.

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not what to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal and, though cooking is far from my specialty, why you suggested that I eat a kabob with chili sauce, along with a big Italian hoagie and some stale chips (washed down with chocolate Nesquik and topped off with a Kit Kat all after a few cheese curls and chili cheese fries) is beyond me. Eclectic eater I am, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you’re subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down, it’s completely unnecessary. The black and blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day is beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Pictures: This can be a blessing in disguise, as it can often clarify the last point below, but the following costumes are banned from ever being placed on my head in public again: Indian wigs, sombreros, bows, ties, boxes, upside-down cups, inflatable balloon animals, traffic cones, or bras. Also, what is with you making me take pictures with people I clearly don’t like when I’m sober. yet they suddenly become my best friends when a flash is presented?

5. Beer Goggles: If I think I may know him/her from somewhere, I most likely do not. Please do not request that I go over and see if in fact, I do actually know that person. The phrase ‘let’s F***’ is illegal ! from now on. While I may be thinking this, please reinstate the brain-to-mouth-block that would stop this thought from becoming a statement, especially in public. Please stop me from talking to the guy/girl with the crooked teeth,acned-up face, bad breath, beer belly, etc. Why are they so appealing to me while I’m with you and why are they so disgusting to me the next morning after you have worn off??

6. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous now. I know a little penance for our previous evening’s debauchery may be in order, but the 3 p.m – hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to bed/passing out facedown on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal and in no way interfere with my daily Saturday or Sunday (or any day for that matter) activities.

C’mon now, it’s only fair – you do your part, I’ll do mine.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now and would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You’ve been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don’t know what to do with the extra money in my pockets.

In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above and address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions and hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you from your biggest fan,

Shakez

So people say they wasnt more posts. only thing i never really have anything interesting to say. Hmmm, well back in school for my final year of engineering so you won’t be hearing much from me. Luckily i have thursay’s and fridays off, so i don’t have to be comepletly anti-social.

Just finished my first major assignment too, 15 page report explaining road design, blah blah blah (School stuff that no one cares about). So i ended up at the den on thursday having a few BEvERageS and getting carried away as only i can…something about getting home at 7am rings a little true. Now isn’t that responsible, all i can say is thank god i didn’t have school.

other than that all i can say is Ouija you are a bum..hahaha, give me a shout some time.

Till then here’s to emptying what’s full, filling what’s empty and scratching what itches!

Well, haven’t had much to say on here for the past little bit, but i decided to post on here instead on looking at all them vamp pics all the time.

Rented a boat on saturday with some friends and floated down the bow river. Totally sweet man! the river isn’t even that cold…but i do recommend wearing a life jacket especially if you plan to drink the way we did. I jumped in the water at one point without my life jacket and just about bit the big one. Lots of rocks too, i got the scrapes to prove it.

Anyways, luckily someone was paying attention when we parked, so we knew when to begin paddeling to shore.

Ended up at the roadhouse that night too. My first time at a club in a long time…man were there lots of ladies there. More alcohol consumed, and i ended up sleeping on my buddies appartment patio, 12 stories above mcleod trail. (a little confusing first thing in the morning)

Well, enough for now…off to the beach

Little update.

Still living in Vegreville, doing some survey work still. got my own quad now and everything…possibly my new truck by the end of next week. Things are pretty much boring in this here town – not much of a night life. I just happen to be taking the morning off to register for my final year of classes at the university and decided to hop on this here site to check out the old Drama Club. Looks like somehow i got caught up in the middle of some the hoopla…good for me.

Anyways, no exact date as to when i’m comming home yet…but it probably won’t be until i’m done this job -another month maybe, but when i do you can count on me getting shit faced. Kinda like last time hmmmmm. I’m still piecing together parts of that night.

oh well, take care all and Deuce say hi to that girlfriend of yours.